This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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