I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
