Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
