She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
