oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
