He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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