I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
