John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
