He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
