Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
