ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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