I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
