I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They took my balls.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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