He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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