i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
