When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
