I need to stop coming to work sober
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
