Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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