I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
