it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
