Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
