So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
