I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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