I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
