Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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