why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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