Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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