she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
