Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
