Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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