3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
