and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
