Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
