I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
