So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
