Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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