this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
