i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
