You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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