where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
