Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
