I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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