I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
