I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
