I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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