Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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