What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im six kinds of drunk right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
