i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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