When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
