Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's Friday. Sex?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
